Choosing love over anger

Think about someone who did something recently to you that didn’t make you feel great. Was it a partner? Family member? Friend? Stranger on the street? If you’re like many of us, it won’t take long to call that person and that situation to mind.

When that happens, YOU choose how you react.

For me, I choose to intentionally react out of love over anger.

How, though? This is harder than it sounds. How can we choose a better way when we’re met with unkindness or even disrespect? First, understand you can’t control the other person. Even more important, though, is that you don’t know what they’re going through. Passing judgment doesn’t do anyone any good. Most of the time, another person’s terrible behavior has nothing to do with us.

Read that again if you have to. Let it sink in.

If someone treats you badly, it’s NOT ABOUT YOU. It’s about something they’re going through that they’re taking out on you.

I’m ABSOLUTELY NOT saying you have to be a doormat or accept behavior that is clearly not okay. I AM saying it is possible to set boundaries without holding anger. Ask yourself: Am I going to stoop to that level? Am I going to walk around holding resentment in my heart, or am I going to be the owner of my day?

This goes for passing judgments, too. I’ve heard people make derogatory comments about homeless men and women on the streets before, for example.

Let’s break that down: Who the hell are we to know what someone else’s life is like? Maybe that person has a mental illness. Maybe they’re a veteran. Maybe they have no family. Maybe they lost everything because they lost a job or got sick. Or, maybe they do have a drug or alcohol problem, as is the stigma—so what? Does that make them less human? Does that make you better than them?

No. A million times, no.

This is an example of how choosing your reaction is about how you interact with those you know, but it’s also about how you interact with the world.

I get that this is hard, trust me. I recently had a bickering session with one of my friends. It seems like everything one of us said, the other disagreed with. We ended up not talking for a couple of months after. When we did, we realized how silly it all was. I chose anger in that case, and I should’ve chosen love.

I’ve also taken a lot out on my mom at times in our relationship—I think, subconsciously, because I didn’t feel safe or capable of working through those feelings elsewhere. I know now that was wrong, but I also understand it enough to apply that compassion to other people.

I’m not perfect, but I’m trying. And in the end, reacting out of compassion and love not only benefits those around you, but it’s also just a lighter way to live. Try it sometime.