Sobbing on a plane in Norway

I started writing postcards to my son from everywhere I go. I want to share my travels with him and let him know what I’m up to. Last week, as I was flying out of Norway and working on his postcard, something hit me. First, Norway itself was gorgeous. Something about it reminded me of Minnesota, reminded me of home. I met the most wonderful people there and had the most beautiful experience.

As I sat there on the plane, I saw an adorable red haired, blue-eyed baby. I couldn’t help it then, couldn’t control my emotions. I started bawling. I had written “I hope you can see Norway one day” on the postcard to my son, but what I really wanted to write was “I hope I can bring you to Norway one day.”

My mind flooded with questions.

Will that ever work? Will I ever be allowed to do that? Will my son even want that? Will he connect with Norway like I did? Will it feel like home to him, too, since he is being raised in such a different environment than I was? Will I ever be able to share big experiences with him, or will it just be postcards for the rest of our lives?

I couldn’t get out of my own head, crying my eyes out on the plane. I tried to think about it in a positive light  and switch my mindset, but that wasn’t working. I put my eye mask on, put a blanket over my head (yes, I’m one of those people), and went to sleep.

Being a birthmother, some days are harder than others. I’m human. Sometimes a moment or a situation will hit me just the right way, and l lose it.

I am not writing this to tell you that I have a solution or an answer. I’m just writing this to show you that if you feel this way, you are not alone. I’m here, too, and we’re all trying.