Who I am today is not who I was when I placed my son

A lot of times, I have to remind myself of one thing: who I am today is not who I was when I placed my son for adoption. We all make the best decisions we can based on the information we have at the moment, nothing more and nothing less. Judging ourselves for past choices is pointless—but sometimes it can feel impossible not to do.

A lot of times, I start to feel guilty because I have a good job, a stable income, a loving partner, and a ton of love to give. I could provide all of that to my son. I have to consciously remind myself that I did not have those things as a 21-year old woman in crisis. That 21-year old woman was still me, and she ultimately made what was a poor choice for her but the best possible choice for her baby. From that day and every day forward, I’ve done what I could do. Even today, moment to moment.

I realize I can’t look back and judge myself on a decision I all those years ago, when I was in a different place and different mindspace. Would I make the same choices today that I made six years ago? Hell no! But I did then what I do today—the best I can, for myself and for my son.